The commander followed Antonella after she left the church and went to his customary place from which we watched her, the closet. She took a hairbrush in thos perfect hands and paddled herself. The commander stood there and watched a long time. He wanted to how long she could go on and to test her to see how far she would go to hold his attention. She stroked her breasts and became aroused, her nipples hardening, and then she furiously spanked herself. She caressed her butt and then began to masturbate placing pillows between her legs and squeezing them. Then she cried in shame. That did capture his attention. He came out and caressed her running his hands over her naked body, talking to her gently. He told she had aroused his desire. He told her she was the most beautiful women he had ever seen in his life. And then he told her that what she was doing was dirty and deserved punishment, that a woman must always obey a man and subject herself to his judgment. And then he took her hand and placed her over his knee and spanked her with the hairbrush as she cried again. But he wasn't really sure why she was crying--whether for me, the pain, or the shame of submitting to him. After he was done spanking her, he tied her spread eagle on the bed stomach done and then took her from behind. Afterwards, he untied one of her hands and then left her. The music on the record player was Bolero. Again, he came to me to tell me everything that had happened. He must of wanted a good listener because he now brought with him food. He wanted me healthy and alert so I could not only hear but also feel. He wanted to see the hatred in my eyes and know that I longed for revenge to quench my wounded pride. But he didn't stop there. He brought Maria into the cell with him and left her there with me after he had one of my wrists chained to the wall. Beginning then and thereafter, he reenacted with Maria whatever he had done with Antonella. That first time, he stripped Maria naked and spanked her with the same hairbrush which he had taken from Antonella. He laughed and joked as he spanked Maria saying, "Are you as willing to give of your body and soul as Antonella is so another can gain freedom? She is innocent. She and I go to mass each day together and then I follow her home. But you are guilty of murder. How many spanking and whippings will it take to purge your soul of this crime? Maria, though also a beautiful woman, was too afraid to complain or do anything to challenge the commander. She took the beatings and only cried when the pain was too great to bear and she could not keep it inside. He raped her in front of me every single time. If she cried, he would stop after her sobbing was at its height and then take her immediately while tears were still running down her cheeks. When he left us, I comforted her and held her and told her that somehow we would survive. But I knew that only a slim thread was keeping us alive--only Antonella's pact with a demon to see if sex and erotic desire had enough power within them to purify a man of his evil. The third time the commander watched Antonella kneel down before an alter she had placed in her room. Again, she had taken a bath and was naked. Drops of water were still cling to her shoulders and dripped from her hair. She prayed for a minute or two and then picked up a scourge. She slowly, almost as an afterthought, begin to gently swing the whip over her shoulders on to her back. She sensually ran the whip along her arms and skin. Then she swung it methodically and rhythmically in the front of her hips on each side. Back and forth, and then she stopped and rubbed her skin as if surprised at the stinging. She stood and bent over the end of the bed and looked toward the closet with the commander inside. She reached back and stroked her butt wiggling her hips back and forth as if losing control of her movements. Then she began to whip herself as hard as she could slowly and then faster. She acted frustrated that the pain wasn't greater. She stood and swung the whip again as hard as she could letting the leather strands wrap around her hips and draw red lines upon her butt. The commander virtually leaped out of the closet when he saw this. He grabbed the whip from her, slapped her hard in the face, bent her over the edge of the bed, and began whipping her with all of his strength. When her bottom was bruised and covered with welts, he stopped. He stuck his finger into her sex collecting the wetness and then plunged his finger into her anus. He turned her over so her back was on the bed. He entered her anally while he sucked and kissed her breasts. Just before he came, he paused. He stopped. He kissed her for the first time on her lips. And then he came during this kiss. His treatment of Maria was slightly different. He tied her hands above her head and attached her wrists to the wall. Then he stripped her and whipped her again using the whip he had taken from Antonella. He put his fingers inside her from in front and lifted her hips back toward him so her butt stuck out as he whipped her on and on. When he was done beating her, he moved between her and the wall and lifted her up onto himself. He fucked her with forceful jerky motions. The next day he sent a doctor to treat both of us. We received more food and a mattress was placed in the room for us to sleep on. The commander loved having an audience and his little theater of torture and rape. The fourth time they met, she tied herself naked to both ends of the bed while leaving one arm free. She had a piece of polished wood roughly resembling a penis. She placed her mouth over it and began to suck moaning softly. She then used a riding crop on herself twisting around to snap the tip down on each cheek again and again. She then fucked herself with the piece of wood. The music she played this time was Carl Orf's Carmina Berana. The commander got the idea. He came out of the closet and put his cock in her mouth and whipped her with the crop while she sucked him off. She raised her butt up and down catching the lash of the crop. They moved together in rhythm with the music. The commander followed this example with Maria. He didn't tie her though. He moved her head back and forth holding her hair tight in a fist with one hand while he whipped her with the crop with the other hand. There was something odd going on inside him. I say this, because afterwards he sat down in the cell and spoke to me in the voice of an old friend, as if I was his coconspirator, his confessor, and his confidant. He said, "You are fool my friend. If I had been in love with a woman like that I never would have done what you have done--you have thrown away love for the sake of a stupid revolution which will never get off the ground. As for Antonella, to be honest with you, there are days when I can think of nothing else but joining her in church, of taking the sacrament, kneeling beside her at the alter, and then following her back to her apartment. She is there every day you know, waiting to see if I will join her in the church. When I do, I always go follow her out. It is maddening. I think she is a saint and then I think that she is a whore. I imagine her as my wife and then I imagine keeping her as my mistress the rest of my life. Deep down in my gut, I am gratified to an impossible extent every time I meet her and then I think--her beauty is diabolical--it is she who is using me to save the life of a murderer and a coward who kills from a distance. Do you know that the first time I took her she was still a virgin? You two have never made love. You are such a fool. You love her and yet it is I to whom she gives her body and soul." And then the commander pulled out a cigar and sat on the floor with us, lit it, smoked it slowly, and smiled to himself as he sat there. When he was done, he stood up and took off his belt. He said, "Perhaps Antonella and I will try a belt the next time, what do you think?" And then he whipped Maria's butt hard with his belt a few times as if practicing, trying out his swing to see how it felt. Before he left, he said, "The thing is, I never know quite what will happen next. She knows my secret cravings better than I know them myself. I will have to take the initiative." And then he left. The next time they met, he followed her home again from the church. But when she opened the door to her apartment, there was a table inside with a table cloth, lit candles, flowers, cold wine, and a waiter who served them. They ate together without speaking and listened as the waiter now played classical music on a guitar. When they were done eating, the waiter poured them coffee and then left the room. The commander smoked another cigar as the two the them looked into each other's eyes for a long time without doing or saying anything. He rose and took her hand. He put on a record, I believe a waltz, and then they danced together several times. He undressed her so slowly kissing each new area of skin that was exposed. Naked, he held her in his arms as they lay upon the bed. And then he made love in the missionary position with him on top. He stayed the night and left before dawn. There was a new addition to the way her told us these stories. He brought a record player with him when he came into our cell. He played the same music he played when he was with Antonella. It was always different--a different composer, a different period. But he did not do with Maria what he had done with Antonella this time. He forced Maria to dance with him. Then he slowly undressed her kissing her on her lips. When she was naked, he did not make love to her. He slapped her face again and again and then he left the room without saying a word. Shortly after, I was taken from the cell in the middle of the night and placed on an airplane another country. I was told to go to a certain hotel and await a phone call from Antonella. At the Hotel Americana Antonella called me. She said that she had agreed to marry the commander whose name I discovered was Stefan. Once I was safe at a hotel of her choosing in another country, she would give him her hand. She asked my forgiveness for all that she had done. But she told me that what she had done was the only way to save my life. Many others who had been arrested had already vanished without a trace. She said she would love me forever but not to try to contact her in anyway. There was something she had to do and she could not afford to worry about me anymore. I asked about Maria. Antonella said that Maria was dead. She had gotten Maria's body from the morgue. She said she had to go and she repeated that I was never to try to contact her again. And then she hung up. Years later, when the military government was overthrown, I found out that Antonella had gained the full confidence of the commander. She then fed information on prisoners and all she learned to the underground. When certain high ranking officers were assassinated by the underground, they tracked the information leak back to her. The commander tried to save her but there was nothing he could do but gain for her a quick death before a firing squad. A few years later they found the commander with his neck slit open but I of course know nothing about that. I mourn both the loss of Antonella and also Maria. I had promised Maria that somehow we would survive the prison. During the weeks we were in jail, I had held her in my arms and comforted her. Before her arrest, Maria had the tongue of a viper--she was as sarcastic as could be. But in jail she turned into a child needing reassurance, wanting to be told it would work out though we both knew our situation was impossible. And yet even now every night when I go to bed, I hear the voice of the commander telling me what it is like to make love to Antonella. I hear his delight and his confusion, his astonishment and his fresh lust for gratification and new life. I think of her sacrifice. I think of her body. I think of what it would have been like if she had been married to me. I think of the happiness which almost found its way into my life but which is now gone forever. This is my story. I know it sounds outlandish. But it is what haunts me inside. I wished Antonella had not divulged information to the underground. I wish she had stayed alive even if it meant she lived with that horrible man. I am not sure if I would have been able to satisfy her. I wonder if with me she would have been so prim and proper. I sometimes find a submissive and whip her in the way the commander beat Antonella. I know its perverted. But for an hour or two, I forget who I am. I forget my sorrow and I imagine I am the commander and that it is Antonella who is in my arms." When Victor was done speaking, he broke in tears and wept. Anlee was the first to get up and walk over and hug him. Catherine rose also and put her arms around the weeping man. We all sat there and said nothing. Our first session of the Owahu BDSM Anonymous had ended.

Copyright �1998 by SIC